Bernard Safatli: The “PRICE” we paid for Growing up!
The “Ability of Connecting with Anyone instantly” is
something that we all had within us at some point in our lives; so what
happened to us to lose this valuable ability? If we look 7 year olds and under,
you can see clearly that they can easily make friends. Can you remember what it
was like when you were a child how easy it was to make friends? If you have
children, do you see the ease in which they make friends? I recall when I was a
child I used to like everyone in my school and vice versa. Yet at the age of 7,
things started to change and I felt myself unable to connect with just anyone
and began associating with selective groups.
So what is it that made us lose the ability to instantly
connect with anyone? This question has been asked by many of the brightest
minds. Some researchers believe it has to do with the biological aspect of us
aging, that our hormones begin to take effect on our personality; Effecting the
way we interact with one another. Others claim that the Ego, which develops in a
child between the ages of 6 to 9, is what creates this issue. The ego is that
within us that makes us feel separated from the world. So it is this feeling of
separation that enables us to feel that we may not belong in certain groups.
Another theory is that while growing up, we are given added responsibilities
from our parents and the outside world that may have a toll on the way we
process the outside world.
Recently it first dawned upon me that we all had this
ability at one time in our lives; and just like a skill we developed and lost,
we can easily gain it back with the right Strategies in place. Through my years
of research and through trial and error I have come up with a suitable strategy
that will allow us to regain the ability to connect with anyone once again; and
it comes with a “PRICE”
The “PRICE” Strategy:
Don’t let the name deceive you, there is not price to pay in
order to regain something you already have within you. The reason behind the
name is that we all paid a steep “PRICE” in forgetting this model, and just by
realizing what that “PRICE” was, you can once again regain this ability?
P: Person-Able:
this acronym is broken down into two parts which are Personality and
approachableness.
Personality: When
we were kids, we didn’t care about how to get popular; we just wanted to have
fun. We understood at a young age that in order to have fun, we just needed to
be 100% ourselves. We didn’t try and
mold our personalities into something that would get people to like us, we
didn’t need to act nor behave in a specific manner to be liked; we were just genuine
and authentic. By being 100% ourselves it didn’t really require any effort to
try and become something that we were not.
Approachableness:
Each and every one of us has two opposite personalities; one that is extremely
approachable and one that isn’t. As a child when we were in a demanding or
disturbed mood, no one really wanted to play with us. If you have kids, next
time you see your kids becoming demanding with other kids around, notice what
tends to happen. Yet when we were in happy
and fun moods other kids couldn’t help but want to play with us. So first you
need to realize that you need to be 100% yourself when trying to connect with
others while being in an upbeat, happy and fun mood.
R: Respect: When
we were children, we were born with this magnificent quality. You can look far
and wide and one thing you will tend to see with younger kids is that they tend
to respect all ages. There are always exceptions to the rules yet you can
easily see it displayed in most cases. In your life, do you respect everyone?
Do you respect all of your elders? Do you respect everyone who is younger than
you? Showing respect to everyone is a privilege and once given, you will
instantly see the feeling reciprocated.
I: Interest: With
this tool you will soon begin to realize the magic that comes with it. Look at
kids when they are playing in groups or even by themselves, they demonstrate
extreme interest in what they are doing. Can you remember a when you were a kid
what it was like to play with toys? How interested you were in whatever it is
you were doing? If you have children you will instantly see this within them
while they play. I remember when I was a kid you could give me any type of toy
and I would find something of interest in it. I would always find something to
do that would occupy my time. So the next time you are engaged in a
conversation with someone, find something within that topic that interests you
and you will soon see the magic that comes out of the experience.
Another thing that is of importance with respect to interest
is that we tend to like people who share similar interests to us. Have you ever
met someone for the first time and instantly connected with that person? A lot
of times when this happens it is because you had a common interest with them.
So when meeting someone for the first time use effective questions to find out
if the two of you share any common interests.
C: Curiosity:
this is the most powerful tool to have in your arsenal. Can you remember a time
when you were a kid, when you knew your parents have gotten you a gift and hid
it in the house somewhere? For me whenever I knew there was a present waiting
for me somewhere, my curiosity would take over and I would spend hours upon
hours tearing the house apart looking for it. This type of curiosity is extremely
powerful and can be a strong motivator for you in life. Whenever you are
talking to someone new, be like a kid and become curious. Become curious to
what makes this person tick, what interests he has, what purpose he may have in
your life, and what truly motivates them.
E: Engage: You
can have all of the above yet without truly engaging the person or giving your
attention, it will all be in vain. While conducting a survey a few years back, I
asked a group of people what they liked the most about engaging someone in a
conversation. Their response 87% of them truly enjoyed it when they were being
listened to fully. The greatest honor you can give anyone is your full 100%
attention while engaging them on what they are talking about.
This is the “PRICE” that we paid for growing up, and I
believe it’s about time that we start to see a return on this investment. Like
everything in life, in order to re-acquire a skill that we once had practice is
required. So go out today and start incorporating the “PRICE” model into your
day to day lives, and use it to your advantage.